Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hey, Hey, You, You, I Don't Like My Husband!

Form a line, dudes who never grew out of chain wallets and mass produced AFI hoodies. Avril Lavigne is single again! You know there’s gotta be some pussy out there who wants swap eyeliner and genital fluids with this bitch so that his Dad won’t find out he’s gay. Newsflash: Your dad knows your gay. And, nice pants. I can see your camel toe.

Don’t get me wrong – we’ve all made some terrible fashion mistakes in our time. But it’s been 10 years and Avril is still wearing the same socks. Avril, you’re almost 30. Maybe it’s time to wear socks that don’t make you look like The Hamburgler's slutty sister.

Monday, September 7, 2009

This One Goes Out to You, Uncle Joey

I love me some scorned white women music. And I’d be hard pressed to think of a better song than, “You Oughta Know” or a more appropriate bitch to cover it than Britney. Sista represented in Greensboro, NC last night.

Two of my favorite things, together at last! Like dipping Wendy’s fries in a frosty. You wouldn’t think to combine the two at first, but once you do it becomes sinful that Wendy’s doesn’t offer frosty packets in lieu of ketchup. Britney knows what I’m talkin’ about. She probably asks for the melted cheese on the side too. (It’s an extra 50 cents and if the cashier doesn’t know which button to hit, you can tell him “miscellaneous food.” Don’t judge me.)

All I know is that if there is a God, Dave Coulier can feel Alanis scratching her nails down someone else’s back right now.