Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Hey, Is That 3 Condoms in Your Pocket or Are You Just Really Into Freaky Balloon Animals?

According to this, a woman carrying 3 or more condoms in Washington D.C. can be arrested for prostitution.

I don’t know about you guys, but I am totally for this new legislation!

Be honest, ladies, when’s the last time you had 3 condoms in your wallet? 3 condoms! That means you’d have to foresee not 1, not 2, but 3 possibilities of sex you can’t imagine turning down before you can make it home, of course, to stock up on more condoms, you slut.

I can’t think of an occasion when I’ve carried more than 3 tampons in my purse, and trust me, I’m a bleeder. Why would a lady need 3 condoms? The only time I had even one condom in my wallet was when I was a 14-year-old boy trying to impress my friends. (It worked.)

99 times out of a hundred you’re going to have sex at home, so keep your condoms in your nightstand like a human being. Totin’ 3 condoms around like you’re some kinda animal leads me to believe you ‘re either into sex on the go (weird), you like to have the safest sex possible (weirder), or you’re a prostitute (not weird).

Let’s face facts – it’s hard for police to spot prostitutes these days. Plenty of respectable ladies wear fishnet stockings with the vagina parts cut out with fake eyelashes to highlight (his or) her black eyes and lean into passenger windows to ask what you're into. Now that officers can enforce the 3-condoms or you’re out rule, they can weed out the school teachers from the street walkers.

Not to mention, who uses condoms anyway (besides, hopefully, prostitutes)?

1 comment:

  1. Makes sense. I mean you can plant a bag of drugs on anyone you want to arrest for drug possession and do it just about anywhere. Oh, and if you want to shoot someone, throwing down a gun is the easiest thing in the world But you wouldn't believe the hassle of planting a John's penis in the vagina of a subject while you are, let's say, frisking her on the street. But a few condoms, well, that's no problem.