Yesterday I took my trash out at the same time as the acoustic guitar player who lives in my apartment building. He covers John Mayer every day around noon if you guys want to stop by and tell him to shut up through his window.
It was my dream that he’d be enamored with me and return to his apartment, lyricizing about a beautiful woman with bedhead, ripped leggings, and lots of empty carbohydrate boxes. I imagine he’d title it, “Who knew Cheez-its could do a body so good?” and make it kinda blues-y.
Well, the next best thing happened. Someone else wrote a song about seeing me at the dumpster and posted it in the youtubez.
Do yourselves a favor and NEVER google image search "Dumpster Girl" with the safe search off. Still vomiting.