It's not gay if I eat my own pecs, right?

Every time I glance at a photo of The Situation quickly, I think he’s a toned Asian girl begging for beads.

I feel very strongly that if someone were to lick the icing off his shorts, it would expose the smallest cake boner you and I have ever seen.

I guarantee 4 months from now we’re going to watch a cake show where a gay “cake artist” breaks down into tears because he can’t get the shading of these abs to look right.

#765987983 Why I'm Never Getting Married

This was Michael's go-to line to chat with me on Facebook.

Way to break the ice, stranger I've never met. Have fun at the prom.

Orangina Commercial Banned For Being Too Gay

This French commercial for Orangina was just banned from television because it features a gay cougar. (No, not a lesbian Real Housewife. You see, years ago, before Courtney Cox decided to sell her soul to ABC because her Friends residuals weren’t cuttin’ the mustard, there was an animal in the feline family called a “cougar.”)

Everyone is offended by this commercial - not because a cougar is using Sunkist as aftershave - but because the cougar is gay. Really? Are we going to take away the fundamental rights of cartoon felines now too? Don’t even front like Tony the Tiger never experimented in college.

This does give validity to the age-old argument that if we let gays get married, next they’ll be allowing people to marry their pets. Or at least stroke their pets’ faces slowly in the bathroom before work while they have a mean boner.

My friend offered me a piece of pizza, but I'm in the mood for meat, veggies, & tzatziki sauce, all wrapped up in a pita. Guess you could say I'm...

And Don't Even Get Me Started On My Orthodontic Bills...

If you haven't already heard about this new rape sensation sweeping our nation, watch this.

This weeek I'm guest blogging for Comedy.com. Check out my first blog about TLC's newest show, Extreme Poodles. You MUST watch the video.

Concealer, Bra's, & Things To Do. That's Some Tuesday Shit.