Popeyes Is the Chris Brown of Fast Food Restaurants.

Apparently, Rochester, NY’s ABC affiliate WHAM (no exclamation point) couldn’t find one white person who eats Popeyes chicken. Shame on you, channel 13. Plant someone. You have interns!

I love that half of the cars in the drive-thru drove there because the Popeyes across town had already run out of chicken. Customers must have passed at least 3 KFC’s on the way and thought, “Ya know, I’m takin’ my chances at Popeyes.” Their loyalty should be commended – especially the man who calls customer service to find yet another Popeyes location. It’s like they’re all going back to their abusive boyfriends. Don’t do it, Rihanna! He’s going to run out of green beans next week and tell you he’s sorry. He’s not.

I, for one, hope Popeyes is proud of itself. The children in at least one caravan went hungry for the night due to some general manager’s inventory error. “You mean to tell me that we can’t feed our kids?!?” Ma’am, before you starve your children for the evening WHAM channel 13 news suggests that you grab some pigs feet on your way home and tell your knocked up teenage daughter to throw them in the oven at 325 after she makes the kool-aid.

Tune in next week for WHAM’S coverage of a 20-car-pileup – all Asians at the wheel. Coincidence, they swear.

To follow Popeyes on Twitter (I had to) click here