Monday, May 4, 2009

Tampon Tail

I frequent a beauty blog called eyeslipsface. Ok, I’ve never actually read it, but they send me weekly links to their blog as a punishment for buying cheap mineral make up from them. (I’m big into savings. And saving big.) Before I deleted today’s email, a blog title jumped out at me – Tampon Tail.

My first thought was that Double T was the newest X-Men character. I had already planned on buying all of her Slurpee cups & giving them out as gag gifts. (Quite literally.)

How cool would Tampon Tail be? “Serious actress” Megan Fox seduces bad guys all over the city – stay with me – and just before they think they’re about to get the goods, she pulls that sopping wet plug from her lady parts, wraps the tail around their necks, and chokes them until her tampon is dry and she can re-insert. Her worst nightmare? A superhero named Toxic Shock. He wears a cape and smells like catfish. I am so watching this movie. Probably through my fingers while I ask the guy next to me to tell me when it’s over, but I’m watching it.


I hate to burst my bubble, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be buying Toxic Shock 3D Slurpee cups anytime soon. The article, of course, was actually referring to Britney’s tampon mishap at her concert last week.

"I see London I see France I see Britneys…Tampon?? Yikes bikini season is near and I have to say ladies make sure to tuck in those Tampons! It sucks having dear ol’ Aunt Flow around during beach weather, but sometimes you just gotta cross your fingers and hope all goes well with that convenient torpedo of cotton. Question is…would you tell a fellow female her tampon string is showing?


Excuse me, Achelle, did your mother have something against consonants? Nevermind. I’d appreciate if you didn’t use words like, “Yikes” when discussing an exposed tampon string. Pretty sure I’d rather be the girl who shit in the hot tub on youtube than Britney in this video. It’s horrifying. I’m embarrassed just looking at tampons in the wrapper. (Wrapper? Like it’s candy.) Whatever.

I do enjoy the profound question you posed for your blog subscribers. Would I tell my friend if her tampon string was showing? Sure. As long as it’s still white.

1 comment:

  1. At some point people have to learn that if you're squeamish, don't look Britney there. Gross me out once, shame on you. Gross me out twice, shame on me.