Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Opie Taylor's Taking Hip Hop Classes Again

This makes humans seem grosser than usual to me. I don’t care if you abuse your child – it’s none of my business, frankly. But when you encourage your 5-year-old to learn sexually-charged techno dance moves and post them on youtube, you’re abusing me. And I’m not gonna take it!

Nice wife beater, Henry. Are you wearing that to look more like your daddy? Newsflash, cinnamon stick, your dad’s retarded. I bet your report card is filled with S minuses in conduct and Daddy don’t give a shit. He thinks it’s cute when you bring him MGD’s from the fridge and bully kids in your class who can’t do the robot. It’s not.

You see, Henry, poppin' and lockin' will never save you from the wrath you will have to endure in middle school. No matter how many youtube hits your videos get, you’ll always have one shortcoming. Because I don’t want it to come from me directly, let’s just say that I’m pretty sure Brandon Davis thinks you’re a firecrotch. Hear that? That’s Paris Hilton laughing at you. How does it feel?


Thanks to Videogum for being first at the scene.

For more of Henry’s wacky moves, including that time he challenged his challenged older sister to a dance off, click here to waste more of your day.

(Yes, I typed the last line for html practice. Nailed it!)

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