Tuesday, July 28, 2009

No One Ever Says, "I Want To Work at Enterprise When I Grow Up."


I should probably note that I have no idea if All State Insurance or Enterprise Rent a Car discriminate against the handicapped. I would guess that they do since this nice gentleman took the time to create a sign illustrating the point. Well, he probably didn’t make the sign himself (under breath: he’s handicapped) but he was able to get someone with enough block letter writing skills to do his dirty work, which is impressive. In All State’s defense, maybe they just discriminate against pasty white legs. Dude, if you’re that bad off, wear some Hooters hose. (If those aren’t his real legs, let the record show I feel terrible and if I ever lose my legs, I want those kind minus the socks as replacements.)

Time to let my anger out. Enterprise Rent-a-Car can go fuck off. All of you motivationless “just needed a job after college and got stuck” douchebags wasting your lives behind your ’95 MS-DOS vomit-colored oversized computer monitors calling your lamo Enterprise co-workers to see if they have a mid-sized pile of shit on their lot, which you told me you reserved yesterday…just go fuck off. And take your “What kind of insurance would you like to purchase? (that you don’t need because you’re already fully covered but I get commission if you’re too dumb to not to know that)” questions with you.

First you don’t have a car for me. Then one of your employees has to drive me 20 miles away from civilization to Topanga Canyon, as that’s the only Enterprise in LA County with any cars left. It would have made more sense for Hertz to rent a car from Avis, drive it until it runs out of gas and desert it in an Alamo lot, where it could then be towed to Enterprise so you could rent it to someone else in front of me.

The car I finally rent, well, at least the lights work. By lights I mean the check engine, check tire pressure, and “the airbag might be broke” lights. They’re all fully illuminated, you assholes. As if renting me that excuse for a vehicle wasn’t enough, you want me to drive it back to you because you forgot to inspect it before I left? Newsflash, Enterprise. Shannon Hatch is not comin’. You fucked up. You fix it.

Oh my God, I feel so much better now.


  1. Maybe they only discriminate those whose handicap is bad grammar. It's "... against the handicapped" not "against handicap". The handicapped have had it too good for too long with their comfy chairs and good parking. I'm drawing the line at missing articles and improper forms of speech.

    In some ways, I am not a very nice person. Anywhoo, enough about me.

    This is kinda like that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry explains the difference between taking a reservation and holding one, only with a lot more swearing.

    There should be a clause in the contract that if they rent to a pile of crap like that, you should be within your rights, when you're done with it, to just dump it in a canyon somewhere or light it on fire and just never return it. If nothing else it might inspire them to do a better job. Probably not, though.

  2. car rental reps are the saddest people on earth.